Monday, January 16, 2012

Jen's Been Dumped Again?!?

Jennifer's been dumped again?!? And the same week as the Golden Globes. It just seems like a good girl (get it? a film reference folks, THE GOOD GIRL, get it?) can't get a break. First she's on one of television's greatest successes for ten years where she's earning a million dollars an episode, then her hairstyle is written into the annals of hairstory (get it? History x Hair = Hairstory?), and now this!

I've already written about her Jen's twin trouble!!! No, not twin dates with the Winklevoss brothers (she's WAY too old for them!), but Aniston's pregnancy with twins! That's two times everything (twins= baby x 2 = even more nannies! how will she cope). I just don't know how she's going to do it? A career, hair, and now babies with no daddy. But wait! Wait, maybe there's hope.

What if... and I'm just floating this out there. What if they create a reality show for older women struggling with pregnancy. Instead of MTV'S 16 AND PREGNANT, or ABC FAMILY'S SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN TEENAGER, maybe Oprah could do FORTY-FOUR PREGNANT & A MILLIONAIRE MOVIE STAR.

It's a world we don't get to see much of other than at the tabloid section of the grocery store check-out line. And even just looking at those covers always leaves me hankering to learn more. Does Jen cry herself to sleep like the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS? But it's worse because Jennifer Aniston is perpetually alone in her tiny 1,761 square-foot apartment. I mean, she used to be able to do that in a 10,000 square foot $38 million dollar house before she left that for Mr. Loser.

I say that you need to get your girlfriends together, get out some ice cream, put on some tunes, put on an impromptu fashion show in your apartment and get back in the groove. I mean, that's exactly what Canadian pop singer Kreesha Turner does in her DON'T CALL ME BABY video. And if she can do, then so can you! In fact, there's even another Kressha Turner video for Jen's new emancipation proclamation. LADYKILLER. (whew! I feel like I really saved somebody some tears today, even if they're just my own!)

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